Please pardon this self indulgence of late-night, quarter-life-crisis angst.
Actually. No. Fuck it. I don’t need your pardon. This is my godsdamn intertubes thing and I’ll whine if I bloody well want to and you don’t even have to be here.
It’s a futile effort to describe the indescribable. But attempt I will.
There are these moments in my life when thoughts swirl so destructively through my head that I feel completely incapacitated. I basically cannot, and sometimes do not, function as a human being.
Everything is so overwhelming that all I can do to stop the panic is to hibernate into a safe, protective catatonia.
Rage, sorrow, helpless, despair, heartbreak, gratitude, desire, promise, guilt, conflict, confusion, fear.
It is impossible to turn one way without being pulled in another direction with different thought; then another again; and again.
When merely the act of putting one foot in front of the other becomes physically impossible because of paralysis from TOO MANY FEELINGS.
When everthing explodes to a bizarre nothingness that is actually filled with all you want to escape, but cannot.
When you’re too tired to act but too wired to hide from it with sleep.
This is one of those times.
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